Chapter Thirteen

Pat struggled to steady her breathing and quell the overwhelming emotion in her chest. It was heartbreaking that Mama had said such damning words to her, but the fact that her husband had heard it all and did nothing made her heart sink in dismay. She realized that her Mama’s negative words and fighting had stemmed from her frustration with her son’s life. She blamed Pat for the failure in his career and for his struggles overall.

Four years ago, when Pat met her husband Joel, he had just resigned from his position as a medical doctor at a hospital in Essex. His reason was that he found no fulfillment in being a doctor and wanted to change careers. Pat was surprised; he was a young medical professional, and she couldn’t understand why someone would walk away from a career they’d studied for years. However, Joel assured her that he was happy with his decision and wanted to explore other opportunities.

They began their relationship as friends. Pat had been hesitant to enter into a romantic relationship since her husband passed away. Although it had been four years since his death, after six months of getting to know Joel better, she decided to date him. A year later, they tied the knot.

During this time, she had never met his mother, who was living back in Nigeria, but they would speak to each other once in a while. However, after she gave birth to her son a year ago, it presented an opportunity for Mama to come visit, though that visit turned out to be the horror of her life.

She watched in disgust as the door opened and Joel walked in. She couldn’t imagine what defense he would offer this time regarding Mama’s behavior. Joel stood there for a few seconds, trying to gather his thoughts; it was as if shame had caused him to lose his voice.

“I…,” he stammered, running his hands through his hair. Pat stared at him, filled with resentment.

“I… am so sorry…” He moved closer to hold her, but Pat’s angry expression stopped him in his tracks.

“I am so sorry, Pat,” he continued, swallowing hard, rubbing his hands over his face as if trying to push away fatigue and confusion.

“Sorry!” Pat scoffed. “Is that the only word you know how to say—sorry?” She swallowed hard and fought back tears.

“I can understand your anger, but—”

Pat stood up from the bed. “Anger!” she snapped. “Did you say anger?” She flushed, feeling her heart sink.

“Am I angry that my mother-in-law treats me poorly? Am I angry that she despises me and wants me out of the house? Or am I angry that you do nothing about it, instead giving me stupid excuses for her behavior?” She glared at him. “Tell me, Jo, why am I angry?” Her eyes smoldered with resentment.

Joel took a step closer to her. “Honestly, Pat, you know how Mama can be. You shouldn’t take anything she says too seriously,” he muttered in a low tone.

She shot him an angry look. “Is that why you hid behind the door and did nothing?” she challenged.

“I wasn’t hiding; I just didn’t want to upset her any more than she already was.”

“Upset who?” Her heart twisted in dismay. “She accused me of destroying your life. She cursed at me and hurled all those hurtful words! Suddenly, all the emotions she had been struggling to suppress broke free. ‘Is she the only one you care about? God!’” she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in frustration. “She said those hurtful things to me, and you still cared more about not upsetting her. What about my emotions? What about my feelings? Don’t they matter to you?” Tears rolled down her face. “For months, she’s done nothing but bring anger, resentment, and trouble into our home. She starts arguments just to provoke a fight. Can’t you see she’s tearing us apart? Can’t you see what she’s doing to us?” Her lips turned pale, and her hands trembled.

“What do you want me to do?” he snapped.

“Protect your family, Jo! Speak up for your family!” she shouted, tears streaming down her face, revealing the strain of her hurt.

“She is my mother, Pat!” he shot back. “I know she can be difficult sometimes, but you heard everything she said in there. You heard how upset she is about my life, about my career.”

Pat’s jaw clenched in disgust. “What?”

“She’s disappointed, Pat. She’s sad about how things turned out for me.” He continued, “That woman sold everything just to raise me and my sister. She dreamed of her son becoming a doctor—”

“And that’s supposed to be my fault!” she interrupted, her temper flaring. “Am I to blame for your career—the same one you told me brings you no fulfilment?” she shouted, stepping closer to confront him. “Jo, I didn’t know you as a doctor, nor did I ask you to change your career; that was all your doing, for reasons best known to you. So I will not stand here and take any blame for anything in your life.” Her breath grew ragged again as fear fuelled her anger, causing tears to spill down her cheeks.

She took a few seconds to look into his eyes. “I can see it in you, Jo; part of you agrees with your mother.” She swallowed hard.

He turned his face away from her intense gaze. “My mother is just being a concerned parent. She has nothing on you.” He moved to stand against the wall.

“There it is again—making excuses for her behavior. You’re so blinded that you can’t see anything wrong in what she’s doing to us, to our family,” she said firmly.

“I’m so tired, Jo. I’m tired of you taking her side every time. Mama only came here to take care of Junior for a few months, and now it’s been more than a year. She’s overstayed her welcome. I want her out!” She looked straight into his eyes.

“What!” he exclaimed, stunned.

“Yes, I’m giving her just two weeks, Jo. Two weeks to get her out of my house.” She glanced at the confusion on his face and walked toward the door.

“You want me to send my mother packing?” His voice was filled with disbelief.

“I don’t care how you intend to do it. I’m done!” she replied emphatically.

Joel stood there, gobsmacked, watching her with confusion.

“You led me to this, Jo. You caused all of this, and I am so disappointed in you,” she said without looking back at him as she walked out the door.

She wasn’t ready to spend the night in the same room with him. Instead, she went to the living room and collapsed onto the couch, tears streaming down her face. For almost four years, she had known him, yet she had never spoken to him this way before. She couldn’t begin to express the depth of hurt she felt in that moment. The fact that Jo didn’t see anything wrong with his mother’s behavior and would always take her side made her sad. It felt as though he wasn’t ready to face his own failures and was using her as a shield.

She couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t tell her the truth about his change of career or why he allowed his mother to throw accusations at her for something she knew nothing about. Pat noticed that a few months ago, Jo had been distracted; she had caught him several times looking through medical job opportunities. He had never mentioned anything to her about it, but she sensed that he wasn’t happy in his current job, as if he was meant to be doing something else.

There was a time when they were newlyweds that she brought up the topic of his past life as a doctor, but he completely dismissed it. Each time they discussed it, he would shut down the conversation. She couldn’t grasp what this was all about, and now she found herself caught in between.

Chapter Fourteen

Fred sat in front of his laptop, ready to work, but his mind was elsewhere. He stared at the screen, struggling against the waves of dread rising within him. The more he tried to regain control over his emotions, the more he felt them slip away. He had told Amanda that he wanted out of the relationship, yet he couldn’t stop thinking about her all weekend. He couldn’t understand the effect she had on him, especially after seeing her last weekend; still, he couldn’t wait to see her again.

Everything felt like it was falling apart. He had lost all control over his emotions and cared less about the damage he had done—and continued to do—to his family. He felt trapped, and worst of all, he had lost any determination to escape. The longing and lust in his heart were overwhelming, overpowering his sense of reason. He couldn’t go a single day without yearning for Amanda’s touch.

Today was Monday, and he knew Amanda would be back any time soon. He had occasionally walked to the window to check for any sign of her arrival, but there was still no indication that she was coming home. Each time he saw his wife, he felt unworthy of her love. He realized that the farther he moved away from her, the easier it was for him to cope with his betrayal. He remembered a few years ago when one of his friends cheated on his wife; he had outright condemned his actions. He couldn’t imagine how a man could abandon his wife—the one he vowed to love and cherish—to sleep with another woman. If only he had known that he would commit the same act years later and become the very thing he had preached against: an adulterer.

With all of this weighing on him, he knew he couldn’t stand before God, so he distanced himself from prayer and avoided going to church. He would make excuses and deliberately take on work that would keep him from attending.

A sudden rattling at the door jolted him from his thoughts. It swung open, and Amanda walked in. Seeing her instantly brought him to his feet.

“Where have you been?” he demanded.

Amanda looked in his direction and chuckled, “Who’s asking?”

“What!” He was taken aback by her rudeness.

“Why do you care?” she shot him an angry look and then headed toward the stairs.

Fred followed closely behind. “What has come over you?” he challenged. “What do you think you’re doing?” He trailed her up the stairs, and when Amanda reached her room, she tried to slam the door shut before he could get there, but he stopped it with his foot.

Amanda hissed, “Well, it’s your house.” She left the door open and walked over to her bed.

“What exactly has gotten into your head? Where have you been these past three days? I called your phone, and you deliberately didn’t pick up,” he shouted.

“Wherever I was isn’t your concern,” she said, tossing her shoes away in frustration.

“You were with another man, Amanda. Were you cheating on me all along?” he asked, halting abruptly as he stared at her.

Amanda paused in her actions and stood up in front of him. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you seeing another man, sharing your body with someone else,” he yelled at her.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t have to feel this way if a certain someone didn’t neglect me and, even worse, wanted to cut me off.” She snarled. “What exactly do you want from me? What else is there for us to do? Stay here until one day, you decide you no longer need me and just toss me aside?” she shouted at him, her voice thick with emotion. Tears choked her throat. “I am tired of being your second choice; I am weary of living this way.” She released a shaky breath and tightened her grip on his hands. “Why do you choose to break my heart? What must I do to show you that I love you?” She swallowed hard and wiped away her tears. “All I’ve done is love you and give you my heart; why can’t I receive the same from you?” She gazed directly into his eyes.

Fred felt guilt wash over him. “I’m so sorry; I don’t know what came over me…” He gently wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“But do you love me? Please tell me you love me, because that’s what matters…” She cupped his face in her hands.

“I don’t know what to do, Amanda. I’m lost…” His lips were pale. “I see her and feel an overwhelming guilt; I can’t stand the pain…”

Amanda placed a finger across his lips. “Don’t talk about guilt, Fred; love has no guilt and bears no pain.” She looked straight into his eyes.

“I don’t know what to do…” He rubbed his hands over his face and walked to the edge of the bed. “It’s like…” he looked up at her and found her taking off her blouse.

Amanda gently unbuttoned her blouse, keeping her gaze locked on him. “You know, I was thinking about you all weekend; the times we spent together, the love and excitement we shared…” She walked towards him, her eyes still fixed on his. “The way you look at me with affection, and gaze into my eyes with humor.” She cupped her hands around his neck.

“What I feel for you is greater than any guilt or shame. I love you so much, Fred, and I am ready to do anything to stay that way.” She smiled. “I promise I will make you happy; everything will be fine soon.”

Fred removed her hands from his neck and stepped away from her. He frowned. “You cheated on me, Amanda; you were just with another man.”

A sudden burst of laughter escaped her throat. “You mean Gab?”

His head dropped forward in exasperation.

She gave a soft, cynical laugh. “Gab is only a friend; I asked him to come pick me up to make you jealous, and I can see that it worked.”

“You slept in his house for the weekend.” His face was taut. “Are you telling me that nothing happened?”

She moved closer to him. “Nothing happened. He only gave me a ride to Lisa’s place; that is where I’ve been.” She smiled and cupped his cheeks in one hand again. “I love you, Fred, and would not do anything to hurt you.”

They both stood there staring into each other’s eyes. Fred’s face softened a little, and a hint of a smile on his face. Her hands slowly ran through his back, causing him to moan.

Their gazes met and locked, sweeping him out of reality yet again. He tried to swallow, but she was so close to him that he could not even think. Her eyes drove through his and never allowed them to leave his face.

“Just tell me you love me and you want me….” Amanda whispered into his ears and touched his mouth, “Tell me you love me….” She covered his mouth with a slight teasing kiss, making him long more for her.

Fred felt a spurt of blood gush through his veins, the touch of her hand slowly caressing his back, quietly erupting the euphoria in him. He carried her onto the bed and started to remove the rest of her clothes, his mouth driving through her neck.

Just then, they heard the sound of children coming from downstairs and Anna’s voice calling for Fred.

“What!” he exclaimed, jerking upright.

Amanda quickly grabbed her blouse lying on the floor. “Oh no!” she gasped. “It’s Monday; she picks up the kids from school every Monday during her lunch break.” She hurriedly buttoned her shirt.

Fred straightened his shirt, his hands trembling as he did. He walked briskly toward the door when Amanda rushed to stop him. “Where are you going?” she whispered.

“Out of here before she comes up ” he replied, flustered.

“Oh no, you’re not!” she insisted, gripping the doorknob. “What if she’s on the stairs and sees you coming out?”

He took a quick step back and began to pace around the room, running his hands through his hair in confusion.

Suddenly, they heard Anna’s voice in the hallway.

“Go quickly,” Amanda whispered urgently, pointing toward the wardrobe.

Just then, there was a knock on the door.

“Amanda, are you there?”

“Sis,” she stuttered, glancing at Fred as he slipped into the wardrobe. “One minute, please.”

“Have you seen Fred?” her sister asked from outside.

Amanda opened the door and pretended not to hear her the first time. “What?”

“Have you seen Fred?” she asked again.

“Oh no, I just came in… but I don’t think he’s here.” She opened the door wider.

Anna took out her phone to dial his number. “Hmm, okay.” She scrolled through her contacts. “His car is outside, and his laptop is on.”

The vibration coming from the bed jolted Amanda.

“It’s ringing,” Amanda announced. “Where can he be?” she spoke to herself.

“He probably went for a walk or something,” Amanda tried to calm the pounding in her heart; she was afraid her sister might hear the vibration coming from Fred’s phone on her bed.

“I think your phone is vibrating or something,” Anna said, her phone still glued to her ear.

Amanda glanced back at her bed and then looked at her sister. She wanted to move, but her feet wouldn’t let her.

Anna placed her phone back into her bag. “So, how was your weekend?” she smiled.

“Good,” Amanda replied, forcing a smile as she walked out of her room, hoping her sister would follow her.

“We do need to talk, sis,” Anna followed her. “I hope you’re not sleeping with him?”

Amanda felt her heart skip a beat and came to a halt. “With whom?” Her voice trembled.

“Who do you think? The guy you were with this weekend.” Anna looked directly at her.

“Oh!” Amanda exhaled, relieved. “I just went out with a few friends, but I spent the night at Lisa’s.” She avoided her sister’s intense gaze.

“Hmm…” Anna shook her head in disbelief. 

“What? You don’t believe me?” she bit her lower lip. 

“Well, for starters, I can see how nervous you are,” she smirked. “Anyway, whatever you do, do it right, sis. Don’t let anyone take you for a ride, don’t be desperate, and please continue to wait on the Lord to guide you through.” She gently touched Amanda’s shoulder. 

Amanda forced a smile again. 

“I have to go back to work; the kids are downstairs,” Anna said as she walked towards the stairs. “Sorry, I didn’t ask—are you going out?” 

“No, it’s okay,” Amanda answered. 

“It’s just until Fred comes back. I’m sure he didn’t go too far,” Anna smiled while Amanda nodded in response. 

“See you later tonight,” Anna said before heading out of the house. 

With that, Amanda inhaled deeply and quickly went back to her room. She found Fred sitting on the bed with his head bowed in shame, holding his phone. 

“She’s gone,” Amanda announced. 

Fred looked up at her and then stood up to leave. 

“I have to go now,” he said, walking out of the room. Amanda stood there, disappointment washing over her as anger bubbled up towards her sister. She felt as though her sister always managed to turn things against her, but she knew this wouldn’t last long. As soon as she figured out what to do, he would be on her side.