Chapter Twenty-One

Pat drove for hours, too distraught to know where she was heading. At times, she nearly left the road, her tears streaming down her cheeks as sobs of despair racked her body.

Her heart twisted painfully as she realized she had no clear understanding of her emotions. Part of her was filled with anger and resentment, while another part clung to fear and revulsion.

After what felt like an eternity of driving, she found herself heading toward the Hill Valley Cemetery in Welling. It had been a long time since she visited Jonathan’s graveside. The bitterness and sadness that overwhelmed her during those visits had driven her to stay away.

She parked her car and sat there for several minutes, trembling with fear. Her skin felt like it was burning, and sweat poured down her body. Resting her head on the steering wheel, she forced herself to take slow, steady gulps of air.

She stepped out of the car and walked over to his graveside. Upon closer inspection, she noticed freshly cut flowers placed there, and there were quite a few that had obviously been left for some time. Suddenly, it began to dawn on her: Joel had likely been the one coming here to leave the flowers. She recalled that a few weeks after Jonathan had been buried, she would always find fresh flowers each time she visited. Initially, she thought it might have been one of Jonathan’s friends or some kind-hearted stranger who was thoughtfully placing flowers at the gravesite. But as the years went by, the flowers kept appearing, and she eventually gave up trying to figure it out. Now, everything was becoming clear to her; all along, it had been Joel.

She sank to the floor and began to cry uncontrollably. She had been living with the man who caused his death; in fact, she had been sleeping with him for several years. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but her mouth couldn’t form the words—only tears streamed down her cheeks.

After several minutes, she wiped away the dry leaves that had settled on his grave. She carefully cleared the area before standing up to leave.

Though she still had no idea what to do next, she could feel a mix of resentment, fear, and anger brewing inside her. She got back into her car and picked up her phone to check for missed calls. She noticed several calls from her daughter, Rachael, along with a few text messages.

Without reading the messages, she dialled Rachael’s number first.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Anna climbed down from the bed for the third time and hurried into the bathroom, feeling sick to her stomach as she vomited again. This was the third time that night. She looked tired and exhausted, yearning for a good night’s sleep.

“Are you alright?” Fred asked as he turned to look at her.

She wiped her face with a towel. “Yeah, I’m okay. I think I’m coming down with the flu or something,” she said, trying to mask the pain in her voice.

“Would you like me to get you something from the kitchen, like Lemsip or painkillers?” he offered.

Anna paused and looked at him strangely; it had been a while since he had offered to do anything for her. She forced a smile. “I’m alright, but it was nice of you to ask.”

Fred noticed the cold expression on her face and seemed to struggle to understand her. Then he looked closely at her and noticed the signs of exhaustion and, in fact, that she seemed to have lost weight.

“You look pale,” he commented.

Anna chuckled. “Are you just noticing that?” she thought to herself. “Am I?” she asked out loud.

“Yes,” he affirmed. “I think you’ve lost some weight.”

Anna wanted to brush it off; of course she was aware she had been losing weight lately, but she was surprised that Fred hadn’t noticed it earlier.

“I think you would have noticed this a long time ago if you hadn’t been avoiding me,” she said quietly.

He flushed. “What do you mean?”

Anna sat down on the bed. “I mean, look at us, Fred. If you think everything is okay between us, you’re very mistaken.” She took a long look at him. “We don’t talk; both of us are so buried in our jobs and use that as an excuse to stay away from each other.” She brushed her hands through her hair. “I’ve made so many excuses for you—work, stress, and all that—but there comes a time in a couple’s life when they need to choose their priorities wisely. For me, I will always choose my family.” She stared intently at him.

Fred wanted to walk away from this discussion, but part of him was ready to surrender and to make amends, even though he had no idea where to begin.

“I’m not trying to excuse myself from the blame or anything, but I just want us to talk. Let’s focus on us for a change.” Her eyes softened, aiming to ease the tension in the room.

Fred looked up at her and inhaled deeply. He had no idea what to say, but he knew he missed her. He missed her so much that it scared him to think about what revealing his secret might do to their relationship.

“Anna….” He bit his upper lip. “I—”

Just then, Anna’s phone began to ring. She glanced at the screen and saw the name displayed.

“I think Amanda has fallen asleep with her phone again.” She rejected the call. This wasn’t unusual; sometimes, when Amanda placed her phone under her pillow without locking it, it would dial by itself.

*****

Amanda was in her room, experiencing intense stomach cramps. Her last option was to call her sister because she didn’t understand what was happening to her. A few days ago, she had noticed some light bleeding, but after calling her GP, she was told it was common in the early stages of pregnancy. However, today she noticed a heavier flow of blood and had to change her tampon every ten minutes. She called her GP again and was able to schedule an appointment for the following day.

Later that night, she was awakened by severe pain in her lower stomach. The pain was so intense that she started to vomit, and when she looked down, she saw that her bed was soaked in blood. This terrified her, and part of her knew that something was wrong. She began to feel intense contractions that were five minutes apart. It was at that moment she decided to call her sister, but had been cut off during her second attempt.

She tried to stand up and walk to her sister’s room, but the pain was too severe. Instead, she picked up her phone and decided to call Fred for help.

*****

Fred wanted to express so many things to his wife, but he had no idea where to begin. Just then, the sound of his phone jolted him. When he glanced at the screen, his heart skipped a beat. It was a call from Amanda, and he couldn’t believe she was calling him at this hour, especially knowing that Anna was at home. Fear gripped him as he looked from the phone to Anna.

“What is it? Who is it?” Anna asked. 

“Amanda,” he stammered. 

“Maybe her phone is acting up again,” Anna suggested, which Fred took as an excuse to reject the call. But seconds later, it began to ring again.

He struggled to hide his flustered expression. “Amanda,” he whispered once more. 

“What?” Anna replied, confused. She took the phone from him and answered it this time. “Please help….” Amanda groaning came through the phone.

“What! Amanda, are you okay?” Anna stood from the bed and hurried to her room while Fred followed.

Anna opened the door to her room and found her sister lying on the floor, soaked in blood.

“Oh my God!” Anna moved to her. “What happened? What’s going on?” she helped to carry her up on the bed.

Amanda was panting, breathing in and out to control the intense pain. “My stomach.” she cried out in tears.

“This blood is too much. What did you do, Amanda?” she asked in a confused state.

Suddenly, Amanda cried out in pain. “Please help me.”

Anna was confused; she felt this could not be; this was familiar, but she couldn’t understand why her sister was in a pool of blood. The pain was like that of contraction as they were seconds apart, and the blood could not be menstrual period. There were some tissues covered with blood on her bed, covered in large blood clots the size of a plumb. This could only be one thing, its miscarriage.

Fred felt like he was going to throw up right there in the room until Anna shouted at him to call 911. He quickly left the room to make the call.

“Are you pregnant?” Anna asked her sister, but Amanda was in tears, cupping her face in her hands. “Tell me, Amanda, are you pregnant? I can only help if I know what’s going on.”

Amanda was in too much pain to answer her sister. She screamed again, overwhelmed by the agony.

“Alright, you need to lay down so I can examine you,” Anna said, helping her sister raise her legs for the examination. As she gently pulled out the tampon, a thick, long clump of tissue came out with it. At that moment, Anna realized her sister was definitely pregnant and was experiencing a miscarriage.

Fred rushed back into the room. “They are on their way,” he announced.

“I don’t think we can wait for them,” Anna replied, placing some pillows under Amanda’s head.

Fred looked terrified. “What’s happening to her?”

“She’s having a miscarriage,” Anna said softly.

“What?!” both Fred and Amanda shouted in disbelief.

“No, no, no…” Amanda cried out. “This is not happening!” She turned to Anna, desperation in her eyes. “You have to do something. You have to!”

“How can she be having a miscarriage when she isn’t pregnant?” Fred said, bewildered.

Anna looked up at him; she wanted to respond but decided against it.

“You have to save my baby,” Amanda cried in pain. “You have to!”

Anna moved to her side and gently rubbed her hands. “I am so sorry, Amanda. I am so sorry.”

“What?!” Amanda shrieked. “Why are you sorry? You have to do something! Tell her,” she pleaded, looking up at Fred. “Tell her to save my baby! Tell her!” She shouted through her tears.

Fred felt his heart tighten; dread was wrapping itself tighter and tighter around him.

“Please…” Amanda cried out, “make the pain stop.”

Anna felt tears welling in her eyes. She held her sister’s hands to comfort her.

“You know I will do anything for you, anything. But this is already happening; the blood and tissues are evidence of a miscarriage,” she said gently, trying to ease the pain of her sister’s reality.

“No, no, no, no…” Amanda cried. “This can’t be happening. God, please…” she said, tears streaming down her face. Suddenly, she felt a strong urge to push and began to pant heavily.

“Oh God…” Amanda whimpered. “Please…”

Anna rushed in to see what was happening and immediately saw the fetus. She knew Amanda was about to give birth.

“Fred, please get me some towels quickly!” she shouted.

“What’s happening?” he asked, his voice trembling with emotion.

“She’s pushing! I need towels, Fred!” Anna shouted again, causing him to run out of the room in a panic. He dashed downstairs to the kitchen but returned empty-handed.

“I…” he stammered, visibly shaken.

“The towels are in our room!” Anna yelled once more, urging him. He quickly ran back outside and returned with only a small hand towel.

Anna was astonished when he handed her the tiny towel but sighed and reluctantly took it, placing it beneath Amanda’s legs. Fred, trembling in fear, couldn’t bear to watch and stepped outside the door to wait.

“Oh God, please…” Amanda cried out. Moments later, she felt a powerful urge to push, and seconds after that, she gave birth to her baby. The infant looked like a tiny, curled-up fetus. Anna quickly wrapped the baby in a towel.

For about five minutes, the room fell completely silent. The contractions became less intense as Amanda lay there in shock. Suddenly, she pushed out the placenta.

Shortly after, Anna wrapped the placenta in a separate towel. Just as she stood up to leave the room, Amanda’s voice stopped her in her tracks.

“I want to see my baby,” she said quietly.

“What?” Anna was confused.
“I want to see her!” she shrieked.

Fred came in to announce that the ambulance had arrived. He was shocked to see the towel wrapped in his wife’s hands and immediately understood what it meant. Covering his mouth with his hands, he quickly ran to his room to throw up.

A few minutes later, Amanda was carried away in the ambulance while Anna went to change her clothes before following her.

After they left and Fred had finished being sick, he returned to Amanda’s room and stood there in a distraught state. Tears streamed down his cheeks, and he made no effort to wipe them away. He felt that this was entirely his fault—that he had ruined a life. For that, he believed, there could be no forgiveness. He never knew Amanda was pregnant and couldn’t understand why she hadn’t told him.

He sank to his knees as his chest tightened, rubbing it in a futile attempt to ease the pounding inside. It felt as if his heart was about to explode.

“What have I done?” he whimpered through his tears. “Oh God…” he cried out.

Chapter Twenty-Three

About an hour later, Amanda had been seen by a doctor and given an ultrasound to determine if she had experienced a complete miscarriage. Since her arrival, Amanda had been demanding to see her baby, which she eventually did. She wept uncontrollably and requested to take the baby home for burial.

Anna reviewed Amanda’s chart and discovered that she had been pregnant for four months. She returned to speak with Amanda, but her sister was outraged and refused to listen. From her experience as a doctor, Anna understood that Amanda was traumatized by what she had just gone through and wanted to be there for her. However, Amanda cried and shouted at Anna to leave her room. In a moment of despair, she blamed herself, expressing that it was her fault for not saving her baby.

Anna struggled to control the anger rising within her; she had no idea her sister was pregnant and was certain Amanda had kept this information from her intentionally. If she had known, perhaps she could have monitored her closely, and things might have turned out differently. However, what was done was done, and all Anna wanted was for Amanda to recover fully.

After being unable to console Amanda, who had explicitly asked her to leave, Anna decided to step outside for some air. In the hallway, she encountered Pat.

“Anna,” Pat greeted warmly.

“What are you doing here at this hour?” Anna asked as she hugged her.

“It’s a long story,” Pat replied, releasing a breath she didn’t realize she was holding.

“Are you working a night shift?” Pat inquired.

“No, it’s a long story too,” Anna said, inhaling deeply. She took Pat’s hand and led her towards the cafeteria. “Let’s go get some coffee.”

They settled into a booth with their steaming cups of coffee in the nearly empty cafeteria. At this time of night, there were only a few visitors—most likely waiting for their loved ones—and some staff members on their breaks.

“You mean Amanda just had a miscarriage?” Pat exclaimed, dumbfounded. “How, when, why?”

Anna took a deep breath, rubbing her forehead. “I’m still confused about it all.”

“Oh God, this is so sad,” Pat said, her face filled with concern. “How is she feeling? This is terrible.”

“She’s distraught, still in shock, I guess,” Anna responded, taking a sip of her coffee. “I had no idea she was pregnant. She was twelve weeks along; why wouldn’t she tell me? Why didn’t she?” Anna’s face showed her confusion.

“Maybe she was still looking for the right time to tell you,” Pat said gently to her.

“But she should have at least told me. I’m her sister,” Anna replied, tears streaming down her face.

Pat held her hands. “It’s okay, Anna. It’s okay.”

“She just lost her baby, her first baby,” Anna said, her voice breaking. “I can’t imagine what she is going through now, and I couldn’t help her.”

“There’s nothing you could have done, Anna,” Pat consoled her.

“But she’s my baby sister. I’m supposed to help her and protect her from things like this.”

“Yes, you are her sister, but you’re not God,” Pat said, focusing on Anna’s eyes. “You can only support her now, okay?” She squeezed Anna’s hands tightly.

“Yes, I know,” Anna said as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “I just wish it never happened.” She inhaled deeply.

“I understand.”

“What about you? You mentioned something about Rachael’s friend?” she asked, looking up at her.

“Long story, Anna, long story.” Pat flushed and suddenly began to cry.

“What! Why are you crying? What happened?” It was Anna’s turn to hold her hands.

But Pat continued to weep.

“Oh Pat, please tell me what happened! I don’t want to hear ‘long story’ again.”

Pat forced a smile, wiping the tears from her cheeks as more flowed down her face. “You know, come to think of it,” she said, “something is wrong, Anna. Something is definitely wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“First, Amanda lost her pregnancy. Then, Rachael’s friend tried to commit suicide. And now my husband dropped the most shocking news of my life this evening—all in one day.” She swallowed hard.

Anna looked at her in disbelief.

“He said he was one of the doctors who made a mistake during Jonathan’s surgery. He actually said he killed my husband.” Her lips were pale, and her hands were shaking.

“Oh my God!” Anna gasped, covering her mouth with her hands as she struggled to contain her shock. “He did what?” She was left speechless.

“He kept this from me all these years; he said the guilt was what drove him to resign from his job as a doctor, and that he had to make things right.” Pat’s heart twisted in dismay.

“Make things right?” Anna’s jaw clenched in disgust.

“He decided to stalk me for years and then married me to make things right,” Pat said, her voice filled with disdain. “To him, I was lonely, distraught, and in pain from losing the one I loved, so he felt he had to pity me and marry me.” She shrieked, tears streaming down her face.

“My God!” Anna rushed to her side and held her tightly.

“Why did it have to be him? I mean, it’s Joel.” Pat was sobbing now. “I thought I made the right decision to marry him and start over again, but I was walking straight into destruction.”

“No, no, don’t say that.” Anna embraced her friend. “Don’t speak like that, Pat,” she consoled her.

“What am I going to do? What should I do?” Pat looked up at her friend, desperation in her eyes.

Anna moved a chair closer and sat down beside her, holding her hands tightly as she searched for the right words to say.

“How can I continue to live with him knowing this truth about him?” she asked, her voice filled with pain. “I mean, I have a son with him; I’m married to him.” She swallowed hard. “I can’t just walk away from this news; I can’t pretend nothing happened.” She looked up at her friend, searching for answers.

Anna wiped the tears from her own eyes. “I…” She bowed her head to steady her breathing. “You’re not going to like what I’m about to say.” She locked her gaze onto Pat’s.

Pat searched Anna’s eyes for any sign of reassurance.

“As hard as this news is for you, you must understand that it was an accident,” Anna continued.

Pat quickly pulled her hands away from Anna’s.

Anna gazed at her softly. “I know it’s heartbreaking, but please don’t make any rash decisions just yet,” she pleaded with her eyes.

“It was a medical mistake, and he shouldn’t have kept it from you; he should never have deceived you all these years. I understand that.” She held Pat’s gaze. “What he did was wrong, and he has no excuse for it, but the Joel I know loves you. He…” Anna paused, searching for the right words, realizing her friend was on the verge of exploding at any moment.

“He deceived me; that’s the word—deception!” She snapped. “He deceived me into marrying him; this marriage was built on lies.”

“I can understand your anger—”

“No, you don’t!” she interrupted, glaring at Anna. “You can’t! Knowing that the man you love is the reason for the death of someone you loved is something you can’t possibly comprehend.” Tears streamed down her face.

Anna watched her friend in sadness, feeling helpless in the face of her distress. The only thing she could do now was console her until she calmed down. She moved closer and wrapped her arms around her tightly. At first, Pat hesitated, but then she accepted Anna’s embrace. In that moment, she needed someone to hold her, and she was grateful for her friend’s support.