How do you keep forgiving the one you love over and over again? I try to let go, but he keeps coming back and hurting me. He doesn’t even seem to realize how much he is hurting me. Every night, I lay in bed drenched in tears, sorrowing over the aches and pains. I ask myself, “How much more can I take?” I have prayed repeatedly, but things remain the same or are getting worse. Everyone I speak to tells me to “Hold on… keep praying.” But how long do I need to wait? They say, “Until…”
Why do I need to forgive?
When you choose to forgive, you untie the knots tied in a relationship by letting go of the offense. If you avoid resolving relationship issues, the knots and tangles of resentment and bitterness will only thicken in your subconscious mind. This negativity affects our lives and our spiritual well-being, including our relationship with God. Forgiveness does not mean that what they did was okay or that they will escape consequences. It means I am releasing my anger and freeing this person from a prison in my heart. I am turning them over to the Lord, along with my anger.
When most people think of forgiveness, they envision a shift in their feelings toward someone who has wronged them, often imagining teary-eyed sweetness replacing anger and a desire for revenge. However, forgiveness is not merely a feeling; it is a deliberate choice you make, even when it goes against every instinct of self-preservation. So, let’s set aside the simplistic and sentimental notions that society attaches to the idea of forgiveness.
While you may experience some emotions when you forgive—like gladness at being reconciled and close to someone again—acting solely on sentimental impulse does not guarantee that your forgiveness will endure beyond that fleeting moment. True forgiveness is a strong, rational decision grounded in spiritual values, supported by spiritual resources, and modeled after the spiritual principle of God’s forgiveness.
My friends, I understand that this can be particularly difficult, especially when you feel you have done everything you can, yet circumstances remain unchanged. It can feel as though no one truly understands what you are going through, and you might find yourself questioning why God seems silent in your suffering after you have cried out and prayed. Does He not see how tormented you are time and time again? Does He love you enough to remain silent in your misery?
Resentment is like drinking a glass of poison while glaring at your offender, waiting for them to suffer. It is self-destructive, which is one reason we must forgive; we have no more right to harm ourselves than we do to harm anyone else created in God’s image. It’s not that the other person didn’t do something wrong; it’s that if we aren’t careful, their wrongdoing can take control of our hearts and minds. In a very real sense, resentment allows someone else to own a part of you. It can become an obsession, robbing you of joy and clarity. In marriage, you need all the clarity you can get. The call to forgive is also a path to your own freedom.
Remember, the Lord is with you. It may not seem that way right now, but trust me, He will never put you to shame. He will exchange your sorrows for joy, protect what you love, and grant the desires of your heart. He will bring about positive change and renew your love. The one you cherish will return to you restored and renewed. Keep in mind the word of God, which says, “And they shall rebuild the old ruins; they shall raise up the former desolations and repair the ruined cities, the desolations of many generations. Instead of your shame, you shall have double honor; and instead of confusion, they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore, in their land, they shall possess double; everlasting joy shall be theirs.” (Isaiah 61)
It’s time to move on, my friends. Don’t let anger and resentment hold back your blessings.
